Emotional Workouts

September 26, 2012 

I haven’t read this anywhere, but I will assume that this metaphor is already “out there”. But since it was delivered to me in my own brain, on my own time during my own processing and meditating, I feel at liberty and excited to share this image with you as it has helped me recently.

I have had bountiful opportunities these past couple of weeks to deal with some deep issues about myself. This normally would put me on a pattern of ups and downs, causing me to feel exhausted and out of control.  However, I realize that in seeking out answers to “why” do I do such and such, I can now embrace these situations because I am getting answers. Tough as it is to look at my family of origin, the choices I have made, and the choices I cannot make (meaning not mine to make – the addict’s choices, for instance) it is better to look at them honestly than to have them drive me and affect me without my awareness.

So – this is my new metaphor – I am terming this process my “emotional workout”.  I have a good context for this since I started including weight lifting in my exercise program a couple years ago.  I had just never imagined myself doing things like bench presses, leg presses, squats, and power cleans (new terms for me, too, to go along with new activity).  Now I have learned about the value of adding this dimension, particularly in pushing myself on difficult weight lifts. I used to think things like “there is no way I can bench press”.  But this has changed. When I am faced with a new task or weight level, I may be nervous and apprehensive as it takes determination, sweat, and muscle to reach the accomplishment. But once done, I feel empowered! It is very exhilarating and building in me a confidence I have lacked. Imagine the trainer standing by me stating, “Sara, you can do this.” My reply? “I can? Ok, I guess I will then.” 

I had stopped seeing my strength – physical, emotional, or mental.  I had allowed my pain, rejection, hopelessness, and so on to define me.  After a physical workout, I usually experience some pain due to muscle repair from the stress of the exercise.  But I have learned to welcome that pain because I know I am getting stronger and it affirms the hard work I’ve done.  Much like this physical workout, I see how these “emotional workouts” are building a stronger and more empowered me.  This shift in my mindset has re-energized my commitment and desire to deal with my issues.  I am powerless over when and why an issue will surface, but now I just know that when one does, it is the exercise for the day.  When my therapist (or sponsor) is likened to that role of personal trainer, I remember it is all in my best interest. I may be mad one minute, but so thankful the next.  I remain thankful; indeed.