The Introduction
It is often said that life is a journey. I have come to believe that the journey has many simultaneous paths for that journey. I think of them as lanes, often running parallel, yet with different experiences, consequences, rewards, and lessons. My journey is the combination of the paths I've chosen in response to the circumstances I've encountered. On July 14, 2012, essentially I had a lane change propelling me into a world of recovery. My life as I knew it took a surprising twist and I had to face this new reality.
Earlier in the week I was feeling on top of the world. Two years prior to that I had set out to get my act together. The Son had graduated high school and I had pre-determined that just following that event I would deal with my obesity, my failing health, my emotional numbness, and eventually the unhappiness in my marriage. So two years into this, I was seeing some success. I was exercising, had lost 60 pounds, had seen a counselor for an extended time, and now was getting the sense it was time to confront the marriage issue. I even told God that I felt He was moving me to the next level. I had no idea how true that statement was, nor the impact of what that level would be.
The Niece (for whom I was guardian) and I were having coffee at a local cafe. Talk had turned toward The Family and recent discussions over The Younger Brother's getting served divorce papers. We were talking about the characteristics of The Men in The Family and I noted that to my knowledge that The Men didn't have affairs or objectify women. I soon learned through her disclosure that The Husband was indeed not one of The Men, as she revealed that the previous summer he had been serving her alcohol, talking sexually to her, giving her inappropriate messages, and had taken her to a bar among other things. This discovery is one of those life changers; or in my metaphor, a lane changer.
I was left with many decisions to make - the first and primary one: What do I do now? I sought help in a therapist who gave me excellent counsel and recommendations. Before the week ended, The Husband had moved out and I was spared the confrontation of this or any other issue that had mounted with The Husband.
The Barcelona Olympics were happening at this time and I had a vivid image of the many lanes: swimmers' lanes, bicycling lanes, runners' lanes, rowing lanes,...I could see myself in such a lane and just wanting to put my nose to the grind and move forward in my healing. It was as if my journey had been in slow motion, often stalled or veered off course, and now I was in the right channel of the river (another example of The Lane) and I was headed toward Healing and Wholeness. I had no idea what I would see, the new scenery, the new "everything" but I wanted to get in that Lane and start living again.
Instinctively I called this image The Healing Lane and that has stuck. It is where I seek truth, and therefore I am honest and authentic. I allow my feelings to be expressed, the difficult ones as well as my default emotions of joy, pain, guilt, and shame. The Healing Lane is where I discover myself, and where my story unfolds. I am learning to live in the now, while accepting my past and learning from it, and embracing my future. I believe much of my story is ahead of me. I believe much of the best of my story is ahead of me! I am grateful for my life for it is compiled of the experiences, the people, and the influences that are part of my journey lived in various lanes, not all of them I would call healthy, but they are all a part of my story.
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