My Music Series: A Little Bit Stronger

The next song in my music series is A Little Bit Stronger sung by Sara Evans and written by Hillary Dawn Scott, Hillary Lindsey and Luke Laird. It represents the group of songs that I added in the next stage of my journey. After the euphoria of feeling free wore off, the reality of what I was facing sunk in rather heavily. Accepting the dysfunction and codependency while dealing  with the wounds of the relationship were now daily challenges for me. I found myself doing a lot of retracing my life creating a not-so-happy memoir. I had 24 years of bad habits and accommodating; I had lost myself in an effort to be for someone else. I had a lot of regrets and displeasure with myself. I heard this song and it became my anthem for a time. 

A Little Bit Stronger

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the painBut I brushed my teeth anywayI got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my faceI got a little bit stronger
Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurtSo I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of youI listened to it for minute but I changed itI'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger
And I'm done hoping that we could work it outI'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheelsLetting you drag my heart aroundAnd, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the sameBut I'm telling myself I'll be okayEven on my weakest daysI get a little bit stronger
Doesn't happen overnight but you turn aroundAnd a month's gone by and you realize you haven't criedI'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longerI'm busy getting stronger

As I look back now at that time and recall having many of the feelings mentioned in this song, I remember thinking I AM getting a little bit stronger (thank, heavens!). I AM done hoping we can work it out. I AM done with how it feels spinning my wheels! It took a very long time to get to the point that I AM DONE but I was there. I agreed that it doesn't happen overnight - neither the hopeLESSness that sets it, or the hopeFULLness that can come. This is also when the realization that I am making changes and that I have choices really started to become a part of my thinking. My empowerment was returning. It had been a long time since I felt in charge of my life, or at least to this extent. I had handed over so many of my choices to Tony; I had relinquished so much of my will and vision. BUT, I was getting stronger, a little bit at a time.