Sunday, June 2, 2013

My Music Series: Uncaged

I am designating June my music month. I was recently listening to my “Healing” playlist and I was recalling the importance that music has had in my recovery. I will be featuring a different song each posting and the impact it has had in my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I endeavor to pick songs in a somewhat chronological order. I’m not including every song on my list, but those which represent my recovery at the time they were added.

Last July Tony and I separated. The day that he moved out was very surreal for me, and I had a lot of anger and pain around the way the separation happened. It took some time to adjust to my new life. That is when I sought therapy and found Debra who encouraged me to attend the recovery group for codependents. I found the support I needed and my new life started to have a peace about it; this was very needed. The feeling that prevailed for me in those weeks was freedom. There had been an oppressive spirit in my home for a very long time. It was a type of bondage that kept me from being authentically me. Perhaps this is why I am so committed to being authentic now.

I had purchased Zac Brown’s Uncaged EP and enjoyed every song. The one song that initially was a bit much for me (my least favorite) ended up becoming my favorite.  That's so true of many things in life, btw.  I've learned to be less harsh and definitive in my judgments and opinions for this reason. When I really listened to the lyrics, there was something strong that resonated with me. The rhythm builds in momentum and I have this heart-bursting-through feeling that coincides with the crescendo within the song. I feel like the caged bird coming forth, no longer constrained by the walls confining her. 

Uncaged by Zac Brown

Gonna drift to the great wide open
Gonna set my spirit free
Won’t stop til I reach the ocean
Gonna break these chains holding me

Gonna swim in the coldest river
Gonna drink from a mountain spring
Deep in the land of the great wide open
And let the water roll all over me

I wanna swim in the sunshine
And every day find a way to face my fears
I wanna get in the wind

Gonna take every chance I’m given
Feel the wind through the open plains
Freedom is gift, get given
So chase the sunset highway down
You gotta get uncaged

I can’t count the number of times I played that song. It is as if my soul had broken free from the years of hopelessness and I had such a new lease on life. I started dreaming again. I started living again. The frozen feelings that had become a part of me started to melt. I was coming out of a bleak fog that had settled into my home, into my life, and which I had allowed to discolor my vision and purpose.

I was now experiencing the exuberance for life. I wasn't sure what the next months would have in store for me, but for the time being I embraced the life that had just been given to me. I was dreaming again and wanted to feel from the depths of my soul. I'm Gonna take every chance I'm given...freedom is a gift, get given!

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