Wednesday, June 26, 2013

My Music Series: I Don’t Paint Myself into Corners Anymore

I selected this next song as a tribute to the awareness awakening in me. Trisha Yearwood has provided me with several songs for my playlist (including For a While, Gimme the Good Stuff, and Second Chance) but this one best represents the reality of dealing with my codependency and love addiction. That is what recovery is really about, isn't it?! When I stopped being consumed with the other side of the street or the victimization or martyrdom or whatever my co-dependent flavor of the season was but focused on the power of my actions and my choices and my reality – now that is making time in The Lane! This song provided me with something to sing while I mustered the will and energy to do just that.

I Don’t Paint Myself into Corners Anymore
Sung by Trisha Yearwood (By Rebecca Lynn Howard/Trey Bruce)

It took a while for me to see things as they were
In the light of truth
It wasn't you, it was me
I let myself get used to drowning in the hurt
Against the wall
Who'd of thought, it was me
From there I couldn't even look over my shoulder
I kicked down all the walls and started all over.

And I don't paint myself into corners anymore
In a brittle heart of clay
I threw my brushes away
The tools of the trade that chained your memory to me
Are out the door
I don't paint myself into corners anymore.

When you left you left me with no other choice at all
But to sink
To my knees, and cry
I never knew just how far a soul could fall
Like a rock
I couldn't stop, didn't try
I locked myself behind shades of misery
But when I let you go, I set myself free.

And I don't paint myself into corners anymore
In a brittle heart of clay
I threw my brushes away
The tools of the trade that chained your memory to me
Are out the door
I don't paint myself into corners anymore.

I haven’t addressed my love addiction with the same vigor as my co-dependency, but this song speaks directly to it. I think this song had that added appeal because I recognize that this is an issue of mine (staying in a troubled marriage for 24 years is a big indication).  Trisha sings this so powerfully by giving both the pain and strength that the lyrics express. I think this honesty is what beckons me to belt the tune out whenever it plays. That pain and strength are stirred within me and both demand to be expressed. Over these months I can say there has been a definite transition to more strength and less pain.  I think it is because I don’t paint myself into corners anymore!

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