Since starting this recovery journey, I have been dealing
face to face with lessons in boundaries. So much so that sometimes just hearing
the word “boundaries” can trigger an eye roll – real or imagined. “Oh, not
again” I would think to myself. But it is
“again” and “again” because I had so few boundaries and there has been so much
to learn about the lack of setting my own and honoring others’. Gradually I
have begun setting them for myself, and respecting those set by others. It is
helping immensely with my growth, and I am so thankful to learn the importance
of boundaries in self-care.
One of the most significant aspects to the value of having boundaries
is for my own protection. I have seen how overextending my energies is a
boundary issue, and how much it is at the core of much of the problems within my
family. The lack of them has created enmeshment causing a breakdown in trust
and communication resulting in anger, pain, and resentment. I am also seeing the need and
appropriateness for boundaries in work and all of my relationships.
I was sharing a breakthrough in this area recently (see Free to Be post) with Debra when she asked me how
I maintain healthy boundaries when I am dealing with someone who isn't in a healthy state. I admit, I
struggled with answering this because I couldn't recall an example where I
experienced this. I have plenty of examples of having set no boundaries and my
lack of understanding the need for them. It certainly got me thinking!
I've had a couple weeks to contemplate this, and that is a good thing because the
application is at hand. I am facing an issue where my boundaries have
been ignored. Well, Sara, welcome to life. This is recovery in practice, not "in
theory" or merely studying it. I might as well get used to addressing this. Recovery isn't about achieving some level of problem-free living, but rather about how we handle the problems that we encounter.
I’m not feeling
particularly healthy over how I'm handling this; the ordeal has had its emotional and mental
drain on me. I'm tired of processing this, actually. My greatest hope is that I will pass this lesson and in so doing,
I receive the desired growth and therein gain some insight. In addition, may I have peace from practicing self-care by respecting my own boundaries.
One beautiful part of recovery is accepting that we are all
on our individual journeys, and that we strive for progress not perfection. I
may not be where I want to be, but I’m not where I used to be! I've got plenty to
learn, but for now, I will accept today's lesson.
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